He was a street evangelist at Hemp Fest of all places.
"You do know that Satan's season will end?"
I smiled at those words, "maybe, but it's been a long and very fun season".
That was less than 6 years ago, my new friends thought I was an agnostic. They knew I was no atheist, I made that clear. "Atheism is a religion of fools and those who play with words". But no signs of Christianity were to be found in my words, or my life.
Have I ever doubted my faith? No I can not doubt something which I have seen and felt. But I was fully able to ignore what I knew to be true. To know what you want to do is wrong, is a painful thing. To pray for strength and be rewarded with weakness is heartbreaking. Guilt is no fun, so I solved that issue by ignoring the source of that guilt. Ignoring it until the guilt went away. I took what I wanted and did what I was dreaming of, and I loved it. It all fell apart in the end, but that is another story.
all that changes nothing, I was no Christian (no fruit) for a long while. But my version of faith has never been a blind faith. It has always been backed up by something. Maybe that first day, when I needed to decide, on that day, there was a leap of faith to be made. But the jump was a short one and proof was there waiting for me. I once chose to ignore God, but never did I deny my own personal experiences.
So regarding the big question, of have I ever doubted my faith? No I have not, at least not on the big issue of whether the God I worship is real or not. But on almost every other issue, the smaller issues. I still have my doubts every day. Not all the things I believe have been proved to me. If something has not been proved to me, I operate on a degree of faith I can't say I am totally comfortable with. So to the question of doubts, yes I have them, lots of them. The degree to which I have doubts all depends on the subject. I wish I were all knowing and totally confident, but I'm so far from it.
Have you ever doubted your faith or lack of it?
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