July 22, 2011
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Bad Advice
“Follow your heart”I say that is the worlds worst advice. It is a near guarantee to bring you unhappiness. The feeling is gone, so you break up a marriage. A friend is no longer fun, they are having problems. So you abandon them. A boy makes your spine tingle, so you betray your husband and destroy a family.
I say to live for yourself, is to become purposeless. To spend your time looking for what would make you most happy, will cause you to miss out on life.
To live for others is to live. Loyalty and duty will bring you happiness. Looking out for your own happiness, will leave you empty. Oh of course being a doormat is not a good idea, but always looking out for number one will kill your soul.
At least that is what I am thinking right now. Feel free to disagree or add to it. Because this thought is just off the top of my head. It is not a hard held personal philosophy of life.
Comments (54)
I like Stanley Hauerwas’s response to someone who said that “I’m my own master.” He said, “Oh, God, that must be awful. Does that mean that you always have to do what you want to do?”
@SirNickDon - to be without constants, to do only what is in your heart every time would end up a hell on earth
mm hrmmm
I always thought balance was important.
You can make people happy as long as you’re happy doing so…. or something along those lines.
@tgwiy - I see it as more an issue of priorities. If your primary goal is your own happiness, you will find that happiness fleeting. But everyone wants happiness and there is nothing wrong with that
I agree, you make a good point. Living solely for one’s self is a hollow existence. For me following my heart doesn’t mean always doing what makes me happy. Following my heart has not always be pleasant. My heart has lead me to do without things I wanted so others could have what they needed.
I guess it all depends on what kind of heart a person is following.
So don’t follow your heart, have an abortion you’ll be better off …
To live for other is what causes problems at times. People stop having minds of their owns and all they do is for others and nothing for themselves… a now a day slave… for lack of better terms. We all need too be there for each other but don’t live for others, you’ll end up more miserable that is for damn sure.
Independence is always good to have even in a relationship. Communication is important. Now, when people follow their heart and happen to leave a relationship was because either they were giving too much of themselves and were receiving nothing or were giving nothing and receiving a lot… the relationship was unfulfilling and it was not working out… I’m not saying leave your spouse but unfortunately why fix the truly unfixable. I’m again divorce but I also believe that a couple shouldn’t be put through this needless pain if there isn’t communication or the ability to fix it.
I don’t know people think a lot and sometimes that gets them no where.. Maybe there should be a nice medium… of what your heart feels and what is the best options possible.
@pinktiger335 - Enjoy that, do what you want to do, when you want to do it. and nothing is a better example of living only for yourself than getting an abortion. that is classic case of following your heart over doing what is right
@trunthepaige - What’s the difference of following your heart and doing what’s right? You’re saying that because people follow their heart they do wrong … most don’t regret the choices they do when it comes down to their happiness? Why is being happy for wrong?
And I’m not talking about abortions here.I’m asking about the difference about everything in your mind.
“‘Everything is permissible for me’—but not everything is beneficial. ‘“Everything is permissible for me’—but I will not be mastered by
anything.
– I Corinthians 6:12 [NIV]
But how do you find the in-between of a doormat and being selfish? I have always ended up being a doormat and when i do something for myself then i feel like i did everything wrong?
I’m going to suggest that even when priorities are ordered purely by logic they have emotional weight to them. It’s the emotional weight to each intent that it’s given value is derived from. What matters most in the end is what do I care about most; or what has the overall greater benefit (option one which gives an immediate burst to my ego/happiness, or option two that builds a strong foundation which will eventually lead to greater overall health and happiness). Sometimes the latter seems like it’s not an option though as one pushing for it put thinking about it above learning to be articulate; and so opposition pushes the former as the latter and usually wins. Or apparent proponents completely misunderstand/misrepresent the meaning (and important details) and create something wildly different than prescribed under its name.
@hailee01 - yea, i figure if we think before reacting or just acting will probably help with the result. no matter what we choose or however selfless an act, it becomes a part of us regardless. never settle for being walked on…unless you like the view:p……..
@jasonwl - Ones heart will make you think you are being logical, when all you have done is disregard the things that you do did not want to hear
“Follow your heart,” “Speak your own truth,” “Love is all you need,” Make peace not war,” are just a few examples of liberal ingrained stupidity that are ruining lives and destroying entire civilizations.
@hailee01 - It tends to come down to doing what you want when you know that it not the best thing. Being disloyal because your heart is not into doing the right thing. Its about making your own happiness your goal, instead of doing what you now to be right. Doing the right thing for others, tends to lead to feelings of self worth, even if you did not do what felt best for you alone. But that not the same as doing the wrong thing in order to make others happy. Allowing others to walk on you often is following your heart alone, if your heart is saying that you want others to love you no matter what it takes.
@pinktiger335 - There is a big difference, your heart can lead you the wrong why when your heart says to do something that you know is not the best thing. If you break a commitment to follow your heart, or base your goals only on your self befit, disregarding what your actions will do to others
I’m not against people being happy or wanting happiness…but there is a point where it can cross the line. Particularly when it causes harm to others (cheating, breaking up a marriage simply because you don’t “feel” in love, abortion, stealing, etc.) and in motive is selfish.
Yes, you should care about yourself enough to not be a doormat. But you don’t want to become the polar opposite of that either… Looking out for number one all the time will ultimately leave you alone and miserable.
Perhaps in following the heart it is wise to use ones head…
@pinktiger335 - We must be aware that often our hearts can misguide us. To thine own self be true, not merely to the whims and yearnings of the heart, but of the mind and spirit as well.
As with everything the key is moderation. You have to live for yourself, but you have to also remember that you can’t live alone. Loving others ties in to loving yourself.
@MangoWOW - And if your first goal is yourself, I find it fails. while if your are simply doing the right thing happiness tends to just follow. Doing something for the joy of it when there is no conflict between doing it and doing the right thing. I have no problem with that, and can not see where it doesn’t add some joy your own life
“Follow you heart” is advice I frequently give, but with the admonishment that they truly take the time to understand the entirety of the matter. Too often, people are lost in the ebb and flow of chemical bliss, and they do not understand, that it is just a trick of the mind they crave. They have to take the time, to truly sit in silence with their own thoughts, and listen to their heart, before they make a decision based on impulse, on the addiction to fleeting chemical bliss. That isn’t the “heart” speaking. So the advice is sound, the philosophy behind it was lost to time.
i don’t think follow your heart must mean follow your lust or something like that..
of course, how healthy “follow your heart” does depend on how healthy the heart is.. one’s heart that is filled with anger, rage, lust, etc, will lead to bad things… in those instances, the advice should be “control your heart”…
@trunthepaige - One could just as easily make assumptions about who is doing such. People who are quick to action or slap down an idea are most likely in that category. Just as those who want to enforce an ideal rather than just have that as an option to explore at no expense to anyone else.
Do not feel bad for getting what you want and using your sexuality to attain.
@jasonwl - most things may be optional, but many of those things are bad ideas. Not saying so is more a sign of cowardice than an open mind
@RulerofMasons - me thinks sex is always on your mind
Let me rephrase: I KNOW you like to do whatever you want because of your shades and your comportment on xanga. You think you are hot and fear infidelity on your part. And I don’t mean that in.a sexual way. I could be wrong, you could be one of those nice christians, but… you do have signals that tell me of your propensities.
@trunthepaige - What’s more cowardice, sticking to what’s known and settled so far even though it’s many times more expensive than necessary and doesn’t work well anyway or keep it in place while working out details for a steady solid alternative of superior quality that costs fractions of a cent for the formers’ dollar, much simpler to take advantage of, no stress to anyone not willfully using the idea (because they won’t be), very little to those who will, to then gradually, in steps, verified between, rolled into? And all exploration at the expense, nearly nil, of the person(s) who want(s) to explore the idea. Oh, and nobody will use it who chooses not to. The transition is opt-in only. But then we still have to work out the detail of said person(s) having the option of opting out of supporting the former waste.
@jasonwl - it sounds like you will need a full blog entry to explan all that. Point me to it when you do
While I agree that strictly “following your heart” is not the best way to live your life, at the same time I believe that serving to bring happiness to others should be done only if you believe that it will bring happiness to you (of course you don’t want to force it either…), otherwise it is unrequited (take it in whatever context you will) and you will be left miserable.
@RulerofMasons - I have been very open on such subjects but not since you have been here. Me thinks you are simply reading into me your own issues and not mine
It would be very hard for me to disagree more than I do with your take on this. Doing somthing for someone under the idea that you will be praised for it is sure to disappoint @OMG_pwn3d -
It’s a bad advice when people don’t even understand themselves and aren’t sure what their own hearts are telling them to do. It almost sounds like “do what make you feel good” or “do what feels right”. People will think this is a good advice only when the result is the one desired, but that ultimately make this “not an advice” at all.
Good post.
@trunthepaige - Maybe. But for a kick start. Instead of saying “that guy’s off his rocker”, ask yourself “if that’s possible, then how is it possible?” Then search all over the internet for explanations and examples. I’m aware of hoaxes. I’m skeptical of many thing. Just use your imagination to determine what you want to toy with. Anything you think is impossible may have already been done by someone. Then again, even if they filmed it, maybe it was a hoax. But there are things I’m certain of just because new technology doesn’t need to be developed to make them happen, just new (or currently unusual) ways of using/configuring what’s already available.
I’ve never interpreted “follow your heart” to mean that you should act on spontaneous desires. That’s more like “follow your whims”. To me, following your heart means shooting for what you really want in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes that might actually involve making sacrifices in the short term (like when an actor has to work low paying, dead end jobs just to make ends meet). It can entail taking a risk or accepting a loss of security.
Great post Miss Paige. This is what God thinks about people “following their heart”:
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?”
Jeremiah 17:9
I’ve found what the Bible says about our hearts to be true.
My 2 Cents
hey
@SammiDolllovesjinxx - well hello
@trunthepaige - how r u
@SammiDolllovesjinxx - very good and you?
@trunthepaige - im good i miss jinxx
@SammiDolllovesjinxx - is that your boy?
@trunthepaige - Yea Im Engaged To Him
@SammiDolllovesjinxx - Coolness
@be_the_rain - You are missed, you are one of the good ones
paige! just saying hello, it’s been awhile. saw your comment at db’s and thought i’d drop by. wow, what a tribute to everyone he did. anyway. will be by from time to time, i don’t write at all much, anymore. ~ lea
@trunthepaige - wow, thank you ma’am. just checking in to see what all you’re up to. sounds like you are engaged, pretty cool. going to read through your “pages” and catch up a bit, in a little while. <3
@be_the_rain - More than that I am now married and pregnant… it has been a while
yeah follow your heart is pretty selfish and not only that, but happiness is fleeting, it doesn’t last. Feelings are very wishy-washy and they should not the most important part of anything. You get yourself into a whole lot of trouble by “listening to your heart.”
History repeats itself a lot lol
@Aloysius_son - I agree following your heart can lead to a misguide but truth be told it’s not bad advice. Why live unhappy lives. I’m not saying following your heart will not have repercussions but it sure has more positive than negatives. Following your heart is about being happy trying your best not to hurt anyone. People get hurt at times when we follow our hearts but in the end you’re happy and not bringing others with your unhappiness. it’s the take and perspective you take on it. If you feel following your heart as a negative it shall be but if following you heart is a positive and a better for you life then it’s not…
@trunthepaige - I agree breaking a commitment isn’t a good thing in following you heart. But, there has to be something underlining why someone would break a commitment to begin with. I feel that all possible should be done. I’ve seen many people hurt by their lack of commitment and hearts hurt but I’ve also seen the happiness of some and the misery of other. Following your heart is debatable obviously but I just wish you happiness. I know what it is to follow you heart and be left for others, be committed to the love and unconditional love for someone and they broke that.. cheated and left… It hurt for year but my heart remained his… I’m barely mending repairing and following my heart differently. life is hard following your heart, and life is hard when you don’t…
@pinktiger335 - I have followed my heart and I have followed my head
I have paid the price of where they’ve led
Now I follow the light
and all is right.