@trunthepaige - This is a good write, but as I have discovered with many of my poems, perhaps it isn’t quite finished yet. There are sections that flow both in cadence and in thought, and there are points where it seems you are tripping up. The stumbling can be an intentional device if you wished. Because it is your poem no one can tell you exactly how to wrtie it.

From a technical point of view I think this poem has great merit, but still needs to be revisited and honed for a sharper, deeper cutting effect. Read it out loud to someone, that can often give you a better sense of its rhythms. Also converting it to a different format can change its overall impression. I often hand write poems using various writing implements or change fonts when using electronic word processing. You would be surprized to see how its visual appearance can affect your perception.

The beauty of our language lies in its vast array of subtly different words. Many words have the same meaning yet convey completely opposite feelings. Take the line “How did it get so bad”. There are many words for bad, each conveys something very different, for example, you might have chosen the word “evil” which is essentially bad, but vastly out of character with the poem or the word “putrid”, which may not capture the essence of your meaning, but again leads ones senses in the “wrong” direction. I will many times sit and stare at a single word, knowing that the one I have chosen isn’t the correct one, and struggle to find that perfect choice. Imagine how the word “cursed” would make you feel in this line. Sometimes it isn’t the word that poses the problem but the sentence it is in. 

“Hope for our love is gone… How did it get so bad”? written “How did our hope for love get so bad it is gone…” uses all the same words but alters the rhythm and meaning.

I am not saying that the word “bad” was a bad choice, nor that particular sentence. I was only using this as an example. Writing poetry is very much like drawing or sculpting, You have to build up and remove elements working the image around in space, turning it over, looking at it backwards and inside out. It is the joy of discovering secrets about the art form and about ourselves that makes the arts such compelling forces of human nature.

I woud be delighted to see you rework this piece, perhaps it might evolve into a completely new piece or it might retain all of its intended flavor and character. Perhaps you might render the full impact of your gut feelings and heart felt emotions with greater clarity. Whichever direction it flows, you will benefit from the stream of consciousness that results.

One way to improve the rhythm and flow of poetry is to write it to music. Try puting this to Bethoven or Mozart and see what happens, or maybe even the Sex Pistols if you are looking for that genre of expression.

I apologize for the lengthy comment, but you did ask for more than a smiley and a couple of eprops!