March 12, 2013
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Stereotypes
I am 29 years old. I was raised on a farm. I am a Christian, my father is an elder in his church. I teach Sunday school. I’m married to a man (a firefighter) who spent a year building a christian orphanage in Brazil. That makes him a former missionary.
If that is all you knew about me. Can you tell me something about myself.
Am I strong willed and opinionated, or meek and submissive?
Do I work? Am I successful? What sort of job should I have?Interests? What sort of interests should I have?
In other words do you have any stereotypical ideas, about what I should be like?
And am I the way you would think I would be from this description?__________
At 15 I told my father to keep his God to himself and leave me alone. Yet I really did believe in God. I was just being a willful little bitch. To both of my fathers.Virginity? Oh that did not last long really. I was always extremely physical. But I always claimed to be in love. I lied a lot
School was easy, other than English grammar. I honestly thought that I was much smarter than almost every teacher I ever had. And I took personal offense at a lowered grade over my miss spellings.
Getting out of high school classes to go to a community college as a high school junior. That was so much better. My grades improved in the harder environment. Such a “smart girl” I was.
An athlete, an enforcer in a combative sport (Water Polo) . I was tough, physical and mean. I enjoyed being a bit scary with my broad shoulders and muscles.
A party animal yes I was. My parents lost control of me very young. But they always had hope and kept supporting me.
PLU on my own. A drunken party animal, my grades went to hell. My parents gave up on me, through me out, no money no nothing.
Became roomies with some other girls who screwed up. I was the only one selling coffee, instead of my body at Foxes. They made a lot more money than I did. It was temping. And the hours were very good. I never did do that.
Men, I moved in with . . . well I did, enough said.
Drunken irresponsibility, someone was killed over it. A child left without any parents.
Never stopped believing in God. But I hated him. He held me back, he told me I was not so smart as I thought I was.
Beware of what you think you know.
Would your guesses about me be different knowing these things?
If you only knew me when these things were happening, would you see me differently than you do knowing me now?
Are you the person everyone thinks you are?
Comments (93)
I like who I know now, and that’s all that matters to me. Since I was raised in church and have seen the complete extremes that can be there, I know better than to make any generalizations. I will say that for the most part, my idea of church people is not a very good one. But, then again, my idea of PEOPLE is not a very good one either. Very few are worth much of my time. I have to see something different before I will invest much of it in anyone anymore. I am happy with a very small circle.
I think many people have assumed that I am just a “holier than thou”, stuck up know-it-all Christian. What they don’t realize is that many of my opinions have been formed by actually living through a damaging lifestyle, poisonous friends, and a series of very bad choices.
You’re obviously a lot different now. Most people change as they grow older. Some a lot and some not as much. I’m not sure what people think I am, so it’s hard to say if I am or not. In real life, I’m pretty close to what people think I am.
I don’t think you’d be what I’d expect, knowing only the specific information you shared. I try not to judge people based on assumptions though and I like to slowly get to know them. People are often not what they seem at first.
I often get mischaracterized online just for stating an opinion on a single topic. She is pro-gun? OMG, she must be a right wing Republican redneck!
Yeah…not.
If that was all I knew about you, then that was all I knew about you. I would be a hypocrite if I judged you based on your past considering I’ve done some similar things. People change and it takes time to really get to know a person.
Looking stupid and ugly is the stereotype I’m most worried about.
i would never suspect you had this life in your past. i thought of you as someone who likely never experienced anything more traumatic than not being picked for cheer squad in high school.
i needed to have a mental picture of you because you certainly know what i was involved in a few years ago. could you be trusted? would you also turn on me? i have those answers now.
to answer your question, yes. i am as transparent as i can be now. it hasn’t caused as much stress as i thought. some people actually like me.
i envisioned you as semi-professional, probably a legal secretary or “someone in charge”. also, i would be curious to see how the “bad girl” turned her life around. that story may be in another post you wrote, but i don’t know it.
sounds like you like to live fast and hard but i think you have mellowed out a little with age. everyone goes thru what you go thru christian or not. it also sounds like you have done the right things in your life too. i don’t know if God held you back but God allowed you to find yourself. Almost every story in the bible is about people finding themselves and God helping them directly or indirectly. God allowed us to have free will and we use it every day in all our decisions. If you are happy with your life right now, maybe it is time to go celebrate it with God. If not, then talking to him might provide interesting answers.
there are many question above..it is hard to really know a person..even your face looks different on the two pictures..it seems you have been given a lot of freedom from your parents which was good for your development..and support to go along with it..”the drunken responsibility is something that retains my attention” without judgement..you reply fast to your visitors which requires skill..you sound well educated in many areas..last question..last question about myself..i feel iv’e often been misunderstood as i feel i never knew my own self very well…but what an excellent post where we have the chance to probe a bit further into ourselves…
I haven’t changed at all. I’m still the depressed, introverted, people-averse, bitter, nerdy guy I am now. Been this way since I was a kid. I was never involved in anything extracurricular, went to class, studied, did my homework. I had no friends, everyone picked on me, I didn’t party, and I didn’t really have any fun in school (not even in college). It was all business for me. At the end of the day all I had was me and that’s all I *STILL* have.
Raised Mormon, became an atheist at age 10, haven’t budged on that. Peter Priesthood Mormon step-father hated me from then until the day he died. If he was still alive today he’d still hate me. I never lived a destructive lifestyle per se, and in some ways I’m still very Mormon (despite not believing in it) but he still never would have accepted me, just like he didn’t then.
About the only thing that’s changed about me is I weigh a lot less now and I’m a hell of a lot more athletic. When I was in high school and college I was a disgusting 235 pounds. These days I’m a nice, proportioned 160. People don’t believe me when I tell them that, seeing as how I run close to 10 miles every morning now, but it’s true. I was fat, lazy, addicted to food and antidepressants. Now I could run a marathon if I wanted to.
I think I’m mostly the person that people see me as, but that’s not very flattering.Those who think they know me, and don’t have a clue… well, fuck it. I’ll be what they say I am too.
Looking at me now, you’d never believe who I was once.
“I guess I just got lost, being someone else, I tried to kill the pain, but nothing ever helped. I left myself behind, somewhere along the way, hoping to come back around to find myself some day.”
“Are you the person everyone thinks you are?“
I don’t even know what type of person people think I am… especially in here… because I don’t really share that much information about me in here… other than i’m a caveman…
@DougX831 - “Though I’ve belted you and flayed you,
By the livin’ Gawd that made you,You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din!”
You will take what life has given you and make something of it someday. Your beaten down now, but it will not last. You will get back up someday. Maybe you needed to learn humility, but now it is learned.
Someday
@secretbeerreporter - So many men get beaten down. for you that was when you were a child. Self esteem was never to be found for you. But it looks like you do think life is better than it once was. Think about it, you are still very young and things are getting better for you not worse.
@maniacsicko - You should at least tell us what caves are your favorite ones
@trunthepaige - Oh great, so now I have to die saving some arrogant British soldier’s life? Fecking limeys… I swear. :p
Ten points for a Kipling reference.
It is the things you don’t know you don’t know that will get you in the end.
@DougX831 - I just love Kipling
IF
…
@LannyBudd - True, real genus is the person who always knows when they are ignorant
@DougX831 - what a wise and talented man he was
@locomotiv - When it is so hard to even know yourself, it is wise to be very careful before thinking we truly know someone else
@malestop - I do celebrate God never promised us a good life. And I know I did not earn my good life. I was bless
@Composing_Life - You are not that far off on what I do for a living. I am in outside sales and I am in charge of a lot of things and some people.
Its funny when you start to be exclty who you are to others. The only people you lose are those you need to lose. Most people grow even closer to you, when you are open with them. The real you is attractive.
@ImNotUglyIJustNeedLove - You need a new profile pic?
@Erika_Steele - Yes it does take time. I think it takes a good number of years to even now yourself very well
@firetyger - I have people on line always telling me what i think. Guys my name is not Ann Coulter
You’re hot, Paige. Sounds like you were just a teenager, and now you’re an adult. That’s awesome, since most people never grow up.
As for me: I’m not sure if there’s a consensus from others on their opinions of me. I get a lot of mixed reactions from different people. I honestly had a childhood and adolescence very similar to @secretbeerreporter‘s (I responded to him below) but I don’t have the courage to talk about it like he does. I’ve gained a lot of self-respect since I was a self-hating, invisible bulimic loser.
@secretbeerreporter - You are very brave, but much too humble. You are my hero in a lot of ways, Lynn. I wish you could see why.
@mtngirlsouth - Yours has not been the easiest life. But it is good now. I think we have a bit in common that way. Though my problems were mostly self inflicted ones. But I do not think ether of us are seen the way we really are. Not unless someone spends the time it takes with us to see it
@DrummingMediocrity - It’s one of those things, though. When you’re told all your life you’re worthless, you’re nothing, you’re (whatever) you really do start to believe it, and once you start believing it, it’s almost impossible to not believe it.
I would say my life is better now than it was when I was a kid. There’s no arguing that. I still sometimes wonder how I’ve managed to make it 26 years (well, as it stands today 25 years and 359 days), and I honestly wonder how much longer I *WILL* make it. Every damn day is a struggle and it has been ever since I can remember.
@DrummingMediocrity - I think I know you at least a little. And I really like you. I’m sure I always would have liked you. But just maybe in another time, you would not have believed someone could like you. Maybe even love you
@trunthepaige - see… just because i’m a caveman people would think i like to stay in a cave, that i even have a favorite one.. no one seem to care to know if it’s because i don’t have the skills to build up a house from woods or bricks, or that i have any money to actually buy a house..
@trunthepaige - Agreed!
@landers_mommy0520@momaroo - That one hits hard and only because you are open about your faith. We often pay the price for the abuse others heaped on some
@trunthepaige - Are you judging me?!
@musterion99 - A tree frog
@ImNotUglyIJustNeedLove - Oops
@trunthepaige - haha – A very pretty one.
@trunthepaige - It’s like this:
@secretbeerreporter thinks he’s smart and worthless.
I KNOW I’m smart and good lookin!
@ImNotUglyIJustNeedLove - Do any of your female students have a crush on you, Curtis?
As an African-American, I enjoy being the constant source of stereotypes. Before I met my wife, I would dress up in typical baggy street clothes for the sake of looking the stereotype. People underestimate black males, so I would manipulate that to my advantage. Underneath the baggy clothes was a well-educated, bilingual, well-spoken intelligent male with a good job and no criminal record.
I’ve been told by people who have only spoken to me over the phone that they were completely surprised to meet me in person and see that I’m black.
Unfortunately I didn’t get any of the positive stereotypes of being black, like being a good dancer, great at a sport, or anything else that would have been really useful.
My wife put a stop to dressing like a thug and now I wear clothes that would make me fit into a country club.
I’m not the person other people think I am. Never have been. Never will be. They aren’t the people I think they are either. All I have is my perception of them and that isn’t who they are. That is only my thoughts about them.
@SlickRick297 - we will get you listening to country music and driving a lifted 4 wheel drive pick up truck, just to really mess with their minds
I am who I am and that is all that I am. Are you looking for a new you?
@LannyBudd - So you are Popeye the Sailor Man?
@trunthepaige -
Toot Toot! Smile
@ImNotUglyIJustNeedLove - Don’t know if you’re ugly, but you aren’t stupid…You’re just crazier than a shit house rat! You’re blocked so I won’t see your response. Get some serious counseling, cause you are bat shit nuts.
@trunthepaige - I’m not sure I can handle that, I think that would be too much of a shock to my system
@SlickRick297 - I bet your wife would freak out
@trunthepaige - She’d be ok with it. She wants me to be white actually.
@Such_are_you - You’re trying to communicate with someone you’ve refused to communicate with…
…And I’m the crazy one.
Look I get your past, it isn’t all that far from mine. The difference between us is you had a great many more choices. You have a ball buster’s temperament type, and anything you wanted you could do.
For some of us it’s the choices other people made to abuse/misuse which lead us where we went. I think the hardest thing about dealing with people with your temperament type is that you don’t have to settle for anything, but so many of that type often do. You’ve got CEO potential, but early in life you settled for screwing it all up. That isn’t judgment, I didn’t do any better than you, and in some ways maybe I was worse. Most of the time I truly didn’t believe I had a choice. I honestly wish I’d been born with your temperament type. I’d be the king of the world…well, my own little world anyway. Course, with your temperament type, I might also have become a serial killer, so maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea after all.
Actually, you sound like a girl I was best friends with for a long time. She was a preacher’s daughter, and was very aggressive and rebellious. We both tried to pretend that we were good little Christian girls to each other, because we were afraid of the other’s judgment. Then we lived together, and the whole dirty, half-insane truth came out. From then on, until she got married, it was a drug-fueled sexcapade in the woods of the Ozarks. Then she got boring and broke up with me. She claimed I knew too much about her, and could potentially tear down her entire life.
Skeletons are hiding in all our closets. Try ever so hard to erase the memories of our mistakes we make, only to make new ones instead. Try to do good things, to repair the damage done in our moments of weakness and our lack of discretion. Still haunted by the memories of a good moment gone bad. That’s life, someday we will get over it, but until then we keep busying ourselves and hoping nobody discovers the skeletons in our closets.
The only suppositions I have ever made about you are that you are fairly well educated, highly opinionated, and I agree with the basic tenets of your opinions, for the most part, probably very attractive in person, introspective at times and strong willed.
There are far too many people here that I don’t know very well, and probably never will.
I think you’re splendid.
@angelwingfive - Well other than my being very loyal to my friends and not hiding my rebellion at that time in my life. We were likely a lot alike. In other words I would not have dumped anyone like she dumped you. But I doubt I was a better person that she was in other ways
From your earlier posts, I could have gathered most of this in general if not specifically.
But I do get your point in that you can really pick out certain areas in anyone’s life and come up with a positive description or a negative description.
I think pretty much everyone has a handle on me.
@faerieshadow - Thank you
@Aloysius_son - Its not a good idea to forget the past it just a bad idea to live in it. @TheTheologiansCafe - Both of you guys have been reading me a long time. Its funny you really do get to know a lot about people from their blogs. If you have been there a long time and both of you have
@Such_are_you - Yes I know I was a brat and still can be one. I am thankful God is not like me because I do not like the company of other brats
I look like everything but a Torah observant God fearing virgin man.
I’m consistently misread. Its isolating as I try to be who I want to be, against who they say I am, against what I am. Dont even get me started on all the things I’ve gone through.
In other news, you’ve got nice legs Paige. Just sayin.
It’s not like I just judge people for their bad habits. I experienced many tongue lashings from people like that that would have slid right off except that people I thought I would have wanted to know became friends with them and disgusted with me. If you don’t want to be fucked up in the head, then you have to take the hard road; but you also have to have friends who don’t think you’re lame for it. It’s physically much easier, but emotionally extremely difficult, because everyone wants to be friends with the most extreme assholes who couldn’t give two shits who dies from their moment of fun but ridicule the hell out of those who do give a shit whether somebody gets hurt.
I would be surprised if the lady sitting in the chair did not have a horse. Smile
@TheTheologiansCafe -
Getting a better handle all the time. Uninterested at first, but you do have some unique skilsets.
Everyone wanted to be best friends with the biggest jerk. I felt shunned by all for staying away from that competition.
Being christian doesn’t mean much, a christian can be a monster or the kindest person on earth. And I’ve not known enough people who have grown up on farms to really develop a stereotype, though I imagine today people aren’t as cloistered as in the past.
Oh, and ironically I have never hated god a day in my life. You as a believer have more antipathy for him than I ever had as an atheist.
Granted the image of god some people worship I think would, if he existed, be an asshole, but I’ve never believed those caricatures were anything but products of fear or hate or insecurity.
I don’t know you, or how fit you were once, or how loose, rebellious, all I know is that you’re writing makes me happier, and you try to uplift others perhaps because you feel some guilt for being blessed, but honestly, no matter how much money you make, or how loved you are, you will never actually be blessed because earth is hell, and our afterlives will be a worst hell.
@trunthepaige - Wow, so totally not what I meant. There are people with NT temperaments who aren’t really brats. But brat or not you all settle for something less than the command of self and others you have at your disposal. I’ve never met an NT who was not formidable, but somehow they all settle for less. It’s something I marvel at, but cannot understand.
Sorry for making you think I was calling you a brat. I assure you that was never my intent.
I’ve been told I intimidate people in person, cause I’m not a big smiler. Not that I sit there and frown at people… they just can’t tell I’m sorta smiling back, I guess. It’s something I try to be conscientious of, because my occupation relies on strong people skills. And I really don’t want people to think I’m severe or especially stern, cause I’m really not. Actually I love being a goof ball, though it’s been a little harder for me to do lately.
I don’t know you well at all, only that sometimes we agree, and sometimes we don’t. That’s okay. I don’t mind if someone has a different opinion than me. I’d much rather they be honest about it – like you are – than just tell me what they think I’m looking to hear.
@trunthepaige - Wow! I’ve never kippled. I must try it!
It fits pretty well with what I thought your life had been like.
Me! I was a goofy kid,a goofy teenager a goofy young adult and now a goofy older adult.I’m still quiet unless you get me talking about certain things and I’m comfortable talking to you,but I’m still not very outgoing.I’ve never been one to party.I tried partying for about a year or almost 2 after High School and I got tired of it.I met a lady and married her and started a family early and now almost 33 years later I have 4 kids and 8 grandkids and still ask myself What the heck just happened!
Interesting glimpse into a life.
We are always more than the person other people think we are.
“What good can come from Galilee?”
@Lovegrove - but LESS than WE think (say) we are.
@mortimerZilch - Depends how much one thinks of oneself.
Paige, I never get tired of hearing your story, because I love redemption and your life always gives me hope!
I don’t know what everyone thinks of me, so… I don’t know. Also, I find it difficult to figure people out on here. There are so many fewer context cues when you’re just reading words. It takes me longer to figure out who’s married, who’s got kids, what job they have, etc. I suppose there is an advantage to that- instead of focusing on peripheral details, we get right down to what their character is.
Unless they’re trolling. There’s always that.
My preconceptions were quite a long way wide of the mark.
I like you much better than I thought I did.
No, I never would’ve guessed any of these things. Partly because I’ve learned that there is often way more to a person than we first observe. Everyone has a back story. I find it intriguing to hear parts of yours. And still, I know that this is not the entire story. There are parts that perhaps only your husband and parents will ever know. My opinion of you (which I realize means very little in the grand scheme of things) can only be based on who you are now and what you’ve chosen to share openly.
I think we all tend to make initial assumptions about others based on physical appearance. But that could never be a reliable gauge of anyone’s character. I’m one of those who prefers to let a person define themselves over time.
I have a lot of super uber buddies who are recovered drug addicts etc + I have been reading your stuff for a while. The surprising thing was the Water Polo. That is some hardcore sheeit. I was suprised in the olympics that there were such heavy set water polo playing women? Perhaps the fat adds to their boyancy?
Sorry! I have not been reading you like Dan and John! What can I say? Cute legs? Ermm. Stereotypes tend to hide the real person!
it is hard to tell from this blog but i am glad you do celebrate Him.
I try not to base my impressions of others on stereotypes, but I realize I often do. This was a good blog. you show that you’re not what people often what you expect, but without it being super in-your-face.
To answer your question, I think I’m too in my own world to know what people think I’m supposed to be. But I think certain things do surprise them. I’m a stage performer, and people have this idea that it’s all sex, drugs and alcohol all the time. And while those things are part of my life, it’s not nearly to the extent that people like to imagine it is. And the other thing is, they think that because I’m pretty flamboyant onstage and wear crazy clothes even offstage, I must be the life of the party, and then they’re disappointed when they find out I’m actually pretty shy.
@Such_are_you - I see myself as a brat, you did not say it. I feel I was always blessed but never accepted the blessing. You did not say that ether.
@Donkey_Guy_10 - Yeah you are one of the old timers…but we never chatted much that is my fault as well
@EccentricSiren - I know a successful movie actress. she is very pretty and plays very strong roles. She is so shy in real life
@tendollar4ways - It is hard to put on fat while playing, but you need to eat a lot and your muscles grow. We weigh a lot more than you would think. Fat does not hurt you in the water at all and the size helps. Those girl intentionally gain the fat while working out with weights. Most us had a hard time doing that it takes so much food, but we all were big. I was good but the girls who make it to that level are very big, well over 6 foot maybe 180 or 190 lbs before they put on the extra weight. They are fast, strong and very mean. I am only 5’8″ and had my weight up to 140 or so. I just could not put on any fat.
@trunthepaige - http://boston.barstoolsports.com/around-barstool/seriously-bro/
I see how girth would help but I would think they would have a hard time making it from one end of the pool to the other.
@tendollar4ways - Well yeah shewas fat. fat floats but you might look at the rest of the team. They even did a semi nude shot. You will find that they are rather well built on average
@trunthepaige - I realize that the norm is muscled and it great shape (cuz WP is like seals training…you cannot stand on the bottom???) Why I found the few fatties weird.
Not trying to sound self-righteous but I hate putting people in boxes and assuming I’ve got them pegged…just some personal experience with it. We never can know someone completely, especially not from xanga posts.
A lot of us can even change by the day.
This is powerful stuff. Delivered with disarming honesty and forthrightness. As I read down through the description of your life of debauchery I kept thinking about what it was that made it possible for you to recover from a seemingly irreversible, downward spiral. I also wondered what it was that caused you to rebel so hard in the first place. Key points, pivotal issues, underlying causes, these are the things that are hard to fathom. Perhaps you could shed some light on this if you feel so inclined.
No way do I view you differently than I have before reading this entry, as I had read a more condensed version earlier, and the account of the tragedy involving the accidental death. I liked you from the very first time I met you, and have continued to like you more and more over the years, as I have tried to read as many of your interesting, well written, and thought provoking weblog entries.
Finally, I am so pleased, ecstatic really, that you are now living a life that makes you happy and enjoying Life and the Love that surrounds you.
Sincerely Yours,
Michael P. Whelan