October 2, 2012
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Faith, have I ever doubted?
He was a street evangelist at Hemp Fest of all places.
“You do know that Satan’s season will end?”
I smiled at those words, “maybe, but it’s been a long and very fun season”.
That was less than 6 years ago, my new friends thought I was an agnostic. They knew I was no atheist, I made that clear. “Atheism is a religion of fools and those who play with words”. But no signs of Christianity were to be found in my words, or my life.
Have I ever doubted my faith? No I can not doubt something which I have seen and felt. But I was fully able to ignore what I knew to be true. To know what you want to do is wrong, is a painful thing. To pray for strength and be rewarded with weakness is heartbreaking. Guilt is no fun, so I solved that issue by ignoring the source of that guilt. Ignoring it until the guilt went away. I took what I wanted and did what I was dreaming of, and I loved it. It all fell apart in the end, but that is another story.
all that changes nothing, I was no Christian (no fruit) for a long while. But my version of faith has never been a blind faith. It has always been backed up by something. Maybe that first day, when I needed to decide, on that day, there was a leap of faith to be made. But the jump was a short one and proof was there waiting for me. I once chose to ignore God, but never did I deny my own personal experiences.
So regarding the big question, of have I ever doubted my faith? No I have not, at least not on the big issue of whether the God I worship is real or not. But on almost every other issue, the smaller issues. I still have my doubts every day. Not all the things I believe have been proved to me. If something has not been proved to me, I operate on a degree of faith I can’t say I am totally comfortable with. So to the question of doubts, yes I have them, lots of them. The degree to which I have doubts all depends on the subject. I wish I were all knowing and totally confident, but I’m so far from it.Have you ever doubted your faith or lack of it?
Comments (38)
I’ve often said faith is not so unusual. It’s a basic functional human necessity. Even atheists, despite their firm denials, have an abundance of faith. It’s what enables us to walk out our front doors each day and face the world – faith that a plane isn’t going to fall from the sky and crush us. Faith that we’re going to make it home again without being mugged or raped. Faith that the brakes will continue to work without a problem in our cars. Without faith we would be paralyzed.
As for faith in God, I have never had any. I have never had any need for it. Faith in myself, my tools, and my people has seen me through every challenge and over every hurdle. If there is a God and she has a plan for me, that’s none of my business. I spend my energy worrying about things I can control, and nothing else. So no. I have never had any doubts about my faith.
To me, you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever xanganized with. I know this by faith, for I have never spoken to you.. I am so positive that you are a wonderful sexy woman. I don’t know what your doubts are, should you be… confidence! You should have tons.
We are all afraid of the possibilities of death, takes many forms. We can only pray for mercy when our time comes, and I know that when I die, God will be there easing my pain. I love you because you are physically appealing, and intellectually stimulating to my brain.
As for God, I believe I can feel these things towards you, God himself, his goodness, so that I should cherish your existence, and that is what life is all about… happiness with others and oneself.
It sounds like you have a rich past full of experiences, and I don’t mean that in the way it may come off. Rather, you seem wise.
I was not introduced to religion until I was a pre-teen, which was too late. I attempted to feign some form of belief, but it never sunk in; I always felt like I was talking to the wall. At my closest I was Agnostic.
Churches are breathtaking to me; I used to pretend the peace I felt within a church was the peace that Heaven might be like, but I knew it was nothing more than a fantasy, like the way I wanted to fly away from the ground, and sink into the sky. To me, the beauty of churches represent(ed) the beauty that man is capable of in his sincerest form of dedication, and to that I am humbled.
not in recent years.
@skeptic42 - From a skeptic an admission that not everything is based on solid research and proof is nice to hear. That gains you credibility as everyone knows the list of things we do based on a degree of faith is huge
@RulerofMasons - Seems I just got as love letter
@DrummingMediocrity - I have hope for you. But I have always wondered about those who tried and found nothing. In your case I am sure you really did try
@ShimmerBodyCream - Its nice to have doubts ease themselves
I have a lot of doubts about unanswered questions but like you, I don’t doubt that God is real. I’ve tried to imagine that God doesn’t exist and I can never get very far with those thoughts. Life would make absolutely no sense to me without God, so I could never force myself to believe that.
I must admit I became a Christian when I was 4 but there was never a time where I did not believe. I never doubted that God existed. I thought numerous times in my childhood that I lost my salvation. But then I came full circle on that.
At one point in my early years I began to wonder if God really cared about me personally. That was sort of a turning point in my faith.
No. But at some points, I’ve wondered about believing.
And dude, you still around?
Christian, agnostic, atheist, Christian. I didn’t believe in God, because God and I had different purposes. I didn’t want what God wanted for me, and I didn’t see how I could fit into God’s call, so I kicked God to the curb. I’m glad to hear you had fun, I may have had fun during my rebel years, but I can’t remember any. Christianity isn’t exactly a party, but it sure beats what I had before, or could have without God. I know what happens to me without God, and it ends with sucking on a gun barrel.
Hello
My name is Vivian
I just saw your profile here
And I want to make friendship with you
To discuss a lot of things with you,
what is your opinion about this?
Please reply me directly to my email address
(vivianjobe@live.com)
And I will tell you details about me with my picture.
Thanks from Vivian.
” I once chose to ignore God, but never did I deny my own personal experiences.”
” Have I ever doubted my faith? No I can not doubt something which I have seen and felt. But I was fully able to ignore what I knew to be true. To know what you want to do is wrong, is a painful thing. To pray for strength and be rewarded with weakness is heartbreaking. Guilt is no fun,”
…that
I love that you’re a life that was reclaimed by Grace.
And it’s only the really foolish or immature people who have no doubts. The further along I get in my Christian walk, the less I know for sure. (I hope that’s a good thing!)
Hey, and apparently Vivian^^^^ is pretty glad to meet you!
I’m now at graduate school. And in one of my classes we are comparing postmodernism and modernism with Christianity.
How Christians could let their schools, government, science and culture be taken over by the forces of ingrained stupidity is one of history’s great mysteries.
@Celestial_Teapot - Not much, I think I have turned into a homeless person. One who lives in hotels
I never doubted that God exists. I cannot even remember any time in my life when I ever even had a notion that there was no God.
For me, those things that seem questionable about my faith, I came to the conclusion that He knows the ending from the beginning and since He loves me, He must have a plan for it all. I didn’t ignore Him, I got really mad at Him. I fussed at Him a lot. When I felt that guilt I took it straight to Him with a list of complaints and justifications. (Which never panned out, but worked for a short time.) Even in those worst times when I hurt so bad, I took it to Him. I told Him, “If You don’t do something about this unbearable pain, I’m going to go find out what the hard drugs feel like!” And I immediately felt relief at that time. It would come back, and I would cry to Him. But it never got so bad that I had to do drugs to live with it. And when I was just on the brink to the point where I may have done really really bad things, He brought Rick into my life.
To this day I have a few questions. And there is a part of me that is still angry with Him for not protecting me from having to live out that nightmare. But at the same time I trust there was a reason for it all.
I’ve detailed in my blog before the five minutes I spent as an atheist, and how argued with me there in my empty apartment about how emotional and illogical I was being. I hated Him for it at the time, but He was right.
I believe what had brought me to that point was the belief that if I was a “good Christian” that He was supposed to bless me. And so there I was, penniless and threatened with eviction and at least other people were having “fun”. In other words God wasn’t serving me well enough. Yeah, I had that entirely backwards.
Since that night I’ve seen God provide in incredible ways. I wasn’t always comfortable, but I always had what I needed. And the lessons learned from that time serve me well now that my career has taken off and I’m more at ease.
Your faith is something I have always envied, Paige. I don’t even really know what faith is, though I don’t believe I am an atheist, because that is belief that there is no God (higher power, whatever). All I have ever really had faith in is that there is something more out there and I can’t understand what it is. That leaves me open to everything and sure of nothing. Is that an agnostic? I don’t even really know that. The only thing I am certain of is that people with a strong inner faith in something (anything really) possess a strength of character and hope that is always inches out of my reach.
I think we all have doubted our faith at one point or another, chicky! Sometimes life will get the best of us, and knock us down. Thats when as christians need to remember that “whatever is true, think on these things”
@BoulderChristina - You are simply someone who has no religion. But you believe there is something so your not undecided on there being a god or whatever it may be called. You just do not know what it is. An agnostic is not convinced there is a god or anything else, they just do not know if there is or is not a higher power
I think that it can be difficult to believe. Not to say I don’t believe it, but it’s just not always easy. If I was a 2 dimensional being, I can imagine it would be hard for me to believe in a 3 dimensional one. If it was easy to believe, why ask for faith? The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen? Some of the times I felt best, I was actually being misled by false teachers, so having feelings are great, but no guide for me. If anyone finds it difficult to believe, I would say that’s ok, I do too. But I still believe it. It’s ok to struggle, and don’t rely too much on feelings because how you feel changes from day to day.
This was an interesting post. I’m glad you decided to share. I frequently have doubts and struggle with my faith.
I think a lot of our doubt isn’t nessessarily in God but in our understanding of God.It’s US we doubt,not God.Faith is a hard thing.We go by experiences because we see and know them.
Take a child for instance.Christ said to have a childlike faith not childish.A child will run fullsteam into their parents arms(a brickwall no because they know it will not catch them) knowing they will be caught and be safe and not hurt.If that parent doesn’t do a good job catching the child and they get hurt,the child isn’t as bold in trusting the parent.I think people have that view of God sometimes.They think God let them down so they lose faith or trust in Him.Unlike with our parents dropping the ball and hurting us,God has a reason behind it,a purpose we can’t see but in the end it’s best.
On doubting my faith,I sometimes wonder when I don’t get worried about things like my wife does is it BECAUSE I have faith that I don’t worry,or because I don’t care.Sometimes I appear apathetic and I wonder if I get that way at times during tough circumstances.THATS what concerns me in reguard to faith.I know where my trust is,but does it always show.
Your post reminds me of a verse my mom told me. Romans 8:28. “All things work together for good to them that love God and are the called according to His purpose.” If you can trust that verse everything else falls away. Good post.
I have never doubted God. I have doubted people. I haven’t always been comfortable with life, but I don’t doubt Jesus. Following Him isn’t always fun, but it is good. I remember walking down to the english center in Jordan to give tests to my 2 classes. I had a headache and asked God to help with it. Early in the first class it went away. It did come back, but only after both tests were taken and the first class was graded. He hasn’t always given me what I wanted. Sometimes He does miracles like that and sometimes He walks with me in the middle of difficulty.
sadly I have doubted when He didn’t jump through my hoops or meet my list of demands…. in the past. Not really anymore…Yep I was a brat.
I have no doubts about my faith, but I do often question particular beliefs.
I read posts about faith to understand others, as I personally am unable to imagine not having faith. Though I can not feel nor sense faith at all, I know it is there, just like the sun, except that I can feel the sunlight.
I don’t talk about that stuff much, but I have seldom had any doubts on matters of faith in my life. My father raised me well.
I have been confused about all the different religions for a while because I question EVERYTHING. Yes, I have definitely doubted my faith and lack there of. but you know this haha. Ps: I’m back!
c.s. lewis once wrote that faith only becomes real when it is doubted and tested:
“You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn’t you then first discover how much you really trusted it? The same with people… Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief.”— C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
any faith at all is a faith
When I was little my mom and grandma made me to do the Church on Sunday thing and prayers before bed. But I don’t think I really knew what I was doing. I was doing what my parents told me to do.
When I was about 10 or so, I stopped one day and I was just like.. “Let’s be honest with yourself… do you really believe in this?” and the answer was no. I haven’t really had a “wild child” era like you’ve mentioned about your past though. I haven’t really wavered in my lack of faith since then. I know that there are things we can’t explain through science, which is fine, I think we’re getting there. But really until I have solid proof of a God (Christian, Hindu, or otherwise) I remain a atheistic agnostic.
No, I’ve never doubted my faith. I believe what I believe, and it is okay with me not to know everything. I love life and am perpetually thankful for it, and for all good things. I love learning and watching things unfold, and seeing continuing validation of my beliefs.
@trunthepaige - Ha! I want to travel for my work. This sounds like one of those “be careful what you wish for.”
Let me know when you settle back in. ^_^
There have been times that I was mad as hell at God. But I have never doubted his existence.
Is Faith a force? Or words the container of the force by which God/believer can cretae their own world? How is that Mark 11:23-24 speaks about the God-kind-of-faith? Does faith become the believer’s object of faith? Or does God become the object of one’s faith? If in fact faith becomes the believer’s object of faith than it id a false faith. If in fact God had to have faith who is He trusting? If in fact God had to have faith than He is mere man; not God. How do you interpret Hebrews 11:1, 2? Is faith a living channel of trust in the God of the Bible? Or is faith a metaphysical faith by which it becomes a force, as to release into the earth realm by the mere words of believers? Is Man God? Or Is God Man? Is God Servant? A magical bellhop at the beck and call of the Faith believer? I appreciate for your prompt response.